Sex is important. Here's how to make it awesome.
Today, I want to take a break from our regularly scheduled fitness posting, and talk about something that we all do, but no one seems to write about: sex.
Obviously, this requires that I post a link to the 90’s classic from which this blog post draws it’s name. So, prepare to rock the hell out to the chill sounds of Salt n’ Peppa:
Deal with that. Because it’s awesome.
Anyway, before we get into the meat of the post, I just want to restate my assertion that I find the avoidance of discussion of sex in the fitness community to be exceptionally strange.
This is a multi-billion dollar a year business, the profits of which are based, in large part, on sexualizing our bodies. Nearly every single supplement uses exceptionally attractive people in varying degrees of undress; often with salacious wording and positioning.
If you think it’s just the supplement companies, think about trainers. How many times have you heard a fitness professional say that the primary goal of their programming is to help their clients look better naked. Seriously, just do a google search for “look great naked” and you’ll find everything from boot camps to books.
How on Earth is it the case that we’ve got an entire industry full of people who are willing to help people look great naked, but almost NONE willing to talk about what they’re looking great naked for? That’s insane.
Look great naked? For what–the hell of it? Nah, brah. It’s because you either want to look good enough to get a new sexual partner (or several), or because you believe your current sexual partner(s) would enjoy having sex with you more if you looked better naked. That’s it.
To be fair, I’m not saying that every single person who exercises is doing it to get laid. Just, you know…most of them.
What I am saying is that anyone who claims to want to look good naked but has the audacity to say that such desires isn’t a sexual motive either has a complete lack of self-awareness, or is dealing with brain capacity so limited it’s a wonder they can figure out how to speak.
I have never really been one to happily become part of the silent majority; eff that noise. Personally, I have always been honest that the primary reason I started training was to improve my physical appearance, rather than my health; I was also honest enough to admit that this was driven by my desire for more and better sex.
That general self-assessment has let me similarly appraise the motives of my clients, and discuss things honestly with them.
Coupled with my own struggles with sex drive in my mid-20s, I’ve come to a firm commitment that talking about sex in a semi-professional manner isn’t just something I “get to” do or something I’m “willing” to do–it’s something I believe I have to do.
Because, the truth is, sex is important. Like, really, really important.
Not only is the ability to get and have sex an essential part of a well-rounded human experience, it’s also a critical part of your psyche.
For one thing, you may remember from my book that sex drive and all drive come from the same place–if you don’t protect your libido, you’ll soon find all ambition waning. Your sex drive is connected to all ambition for one thing. For another, confidence and sex are indelibly linked.
Because of that, sex and fitness are related in many ways. Obviously, as mentioned above getting fit will help you have more sex, and make that sex better–but the desire for sex can also encourage you to get into your best condition, ever.
This relationship is so important that it was prominently featured in my book, Engineering the Alpha.
But, it certainly doesn’t stop there. Being sexually aware is important for the development of your character. Being sexually competent is important for your development as a person who can have sexual relationships.
Given all of this, I decided that, in order to go a bit deeper (no pun intended, but har har anyway), I would round up the best expert on the subject of performing like a champ between the sheets.
I know, I know: you’re all like, “but Romanz, Rn’t U teh best at sexingz everz?”
Well, no, I’m not. Okay, I might be. I dunno. I’ve never had any negative reviews. Hmm. Definitely top 10 of all time, for sure.
But, as awesome as I am, I don’t think I’m qualified to speak intelligently about it. Put another way, I’m secretly a giant 12 year old and I’d giggle a lot.
Okay, in all seriousness, I wanted to talk to someone who didn’t just have experience having great sex, but who also taught other people to have great sex, too.
So, I did some research, talked to some experts, and found out who I should talk to. This gentleman, Mr. Alex Allman, works with men and women individually, but also does a lot of work with couples. So, he’s like 1 part coach, 1 part therapist, and 1 part genius.
I did an interview with him to get him to spill the beans on why sex is so important–and, for good measure, on the best techniques to be a master in the bedroom.
This is a great interview and it’s info you won’t find elsewhere in the fitness industry. Because, you know, everyone else is lame and treats you like you’re all fragile and whatnot. Ol’ Roman wants you to get your freak on, though.
So, you gotta listen to this. Again, while this stuff will definitely help you perform well and create an amazing experience for your partner, it’s more than that.
Remember, sex and the self is not to be taken lightly.
So, you’ll want to to listen and TAKE NOTES on this material.
Listen to the interview here. Let’s talk about sex.
Oh, and if anyone was wondering, yes. Yes I did:
And it was awesome.