The Most Absurd Truth About Olive Oil

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Like underground drug dealing, but for olive oil.

A little while ago, I discovered something kind of strange. And also, pretty much one of the most unbelievable things I’ve ever heard that turned out to be true.

I’ll tell you in a sec, but first lemme give you a little context.

When I first started my online business in 2009, I outlined a list of things I wanted to do. 

That list included many typical measures of success, which amazingly, I’ve all accomplished.

However, there’s so much I couldn’t have added to The-List-of-Things-I-Want-to-Happen that have happened because I couldn’t have possibly expected them to.

For example, in 2009, I never thought I’d be asked to write a guest post for Tim Ferriss’s site detailing how I got a 7-figure book deal. But in 2013, I did just that. 

I also never thought I’d be responding to questions on my Instagram asking me for tips about how to keep my pink hair so vibrant. But, that also became pretty commonplace in 2016.

And I just spent the last week fielding questions about why broadway shows will make you a better copywriter. That also happens a lot these days.

But of all the things I never thought I’d be doing, writing about olive oil is probably at the top of the list.

Well, oops. Because that’s what’s I’m doing right now. I’m literally writing to tell you about olive oil. Because this is my life now. 

So, what could be so special about olive oil that I’d feel compelled to write to you about it? That’s a valid question, for sure.

Let me answer it with a quick story. 

The First Time I Ever Had Real Olive Oil

One day, my buddy David Sinick shot me a text. He asked me if I was home, and if he could stop by for a bit. 

(David, for those who don’t know, runs PaleoHacks, which is the largest and most reliable source of paleo nutrition information in the world.)

When he gets to my house, he’s got a bunch of re-usable canvas bags with him. He walks right into the kitchen, opens the fridge, and starts unpacking the bags into the refrigerator. 

I’m certainly not one to complain about anyone stocking my fridge, but it did seem quite odd. Naturally, I said, “Um…thanks, man. You don’t like asparagus?”

He laughed and said, “I just found out I have to run out of town for a few weeks, but I just went grocery shopping. This is all gonna go bad, so you may as well use it.” 

Sounds good to me. 

David continued to unload fruits, veggies, and a few steaks into the fridge. 

And then he pulled out a glass bottle and starts rearranging things so he could fit it in the door. 

I glanced at it. “Olive oil? That’s not gonna go bad. You can leave it at your place. And I already have plenty of olive oil.”

Which is when something I will never, ever forget happened.

David looked me in the eye…and laughed in my face. Laughed. In my face. For at least two minutes. (Which, by the way, is a REALLY long time for someone to laugh in your face.)

So David is standing there, laughing his ass off like Kefka in one of the later stages of Final Fantasy 6, and I finally just say, “What the hell is so funny? It’s just olive oil.”

This set him off even more, until he finally said, “Just taste it.”

Just taste it? It’s olive oil. What’s the big deal? 

Whatever, I’ll appease him. I poured a drizzle on a plate, grabbed a small piece of bread, dunked it in the oil, and tasted it. 

Holy shit, my brain registered. I mean, ho-lee shit

Not knowing what else to do, I just said it out loud: “Holy shit. This is amazing.”

Because it was. It was freaking AMAZING. It was the most amazing olive oil I’ve ever tasted. And as a card-carrying Long Island Italian, I’ve had a lot of olive oil. 

But Seriously. Holy Shit. 

Now, I sincerely hope you’re thinking, “How good could this olive oil actually be?”

That is exactly the right question. 

Since you can’t taste it, the answer is: good enough to make David laugh in my face; good enough for me to be blown away; good enough to actually encourage me to sit down and write this damn article.

Because, WOW, this shit is amazing.

Honestly, I was not prepared for the taste of it. It was like tasting olive oil for the first time. 

And, as I would come to learn, it kinda was.

Steer Clear of Store-Bought Oil

Apparently, nearly ALL store-bought olive oils (even the ones with the fancy Italian names) are counterfeit.  

From a Forbes article: “Here’s the hard truth: the olive oil in your pantry, the one you bought for its health benefits and for some sliver of the seductive Mediterranean lifestyle, is most likely a scam.”

Yeah, apparently, counterfeit olive oils are a huge problem…and the reason is the Mafia. I shit you not. Literally. Like, the Mafia controls the olive industry. I know that might sound like the stupidest and least believable sentence I’ve ever typed, but there was an entire 60 Minutes special about this. 

It’s nuts. 

Basically, olive oil is a huge industry, and by exporting cheap olive oil (often heavily diluted and contaminated with lesser ingredients) the Mafia gets exorbitant margins and is raking in money hand over fist. 

How insane is that?

Somehow, we live in a world where OLIVE OIL is like the equivalent of bootlegged booze in the 1920s or cocaine in the 1980s. 

If it weren’t kinda scary, it would be hilarious. (Okay, it’s hilarious either way.)

Getting back to our story

So David and I are standing in my kitchen, and he’s telling me about the oil and the mafia and all this stuff, and between the two of us, we’ve taken down a loaf of bread and probably an eighth of a bottle of this olive oil — in 10 minutes. I’m telling you this stuff is GOOD.

He goes on to tell me that he’ll never buy store olive oil again.

He explains how he only buys olive oil that comes from family farms, and that are harvested at the right time. This is key. Store olive oils, in addition to being cut with other crap by the mafia, get harvested erratically, often when the olives are unripe or on the verge of rotting. 

For great olive oil, you want to check the harvest date on the bottle, so you know you’re getting oil that goes directly from the tree to the mill for pressing, and then right to your home, instead of getting put in barrels to bake in the sun before pressing, and sit even longer on a shelf, often for several years. 

Most importantly, illustrious olive oil should be independently lab certified to be 100% pure extra virgin, organic, and non-GMO.

This all made perfect sense to me. And it also explains why this olive oil was INSANELY delicious.

And nutritious.

Unlike that swill we’ve apparently all been buying at Whole Foods.

Listen, like I said: I never, ever in a million years thought I’d be so amped about olive oil that I’d write about it.

But, here we are.

Where to Get REAL Olive Oil 

That said, I know how insane it sounds to be so excited over olive oil. And if you’d told me about it before I tried it, I would have thought you were a lunatic or a moron.

I assure you, I am neither. And I am positive that when you try this olive oil, you’ll agree. 

SO, because I’m, you know, kind of a big deal, I’ve set up something cool with the folks over at Kasandrinos Olive Oil — in my opinion, the finest olive oil around. Kasandrinos is a family and veteran-owned company run by the Kasandrinos family.

You can get TWO bottles of their organic, non-GMO, extra-virgin olive oil hand-picked in Greece for just 19 bucks with our 50% off discount code for RFS readers.

Kasandrinos Olive Oil

Simply the best stuff. Even Leesi can’t get enough of it.

OBVIOUSLY, this is a ballsy marketing campaign. That gets me excited. Because I know a little something about being ballsy, and you DO NOT volunteer to give up half your gross sales — and most of your margins —  unless you believe that people are going to LOVE your product and keep ordering it in the future.

Which makes Kasandrinos a company after my own heart. The Kasandrinos family fully trusts their quality, their mission, and their message. I love that.

Guys, look. 

I just wrote like 1,500 words about olive oil. Never in my life did I think I’d do that.

But, honestly, this shit is super legit. It’s insanely delicious, full of health benefits, and actually saves money over the crap I was buying from Whole Foods. 

So, check out the offer in any of the links, and grab a few bottles. And absolutely hit me back and let me know what you think. 

About the Author

John Romaniello is a level 70 orc wizard who spends his days lifting heavy shit and his nights fighting crime. When not doing that, he serves as the Chief Bro King of the Roman Empire and Executive Editor here on RFS. You can read his articles here, and rants on Facebook.

Comments for This Entry

  • Seven Simple, Unconventional Biohacking Strategies

    […] Real olive oil is one of the healthiest foods on the planet. It contains polyphenols that are antioxidant, anti-inflammatory, anti-allergic, anti-atherogenic, anti-thrombotic, and anti-mutagenic (14). But, most olive oil, isn’t actually olive oil. It’s counterfeit. Even “organic extra virgin” olive oil you buy at most grocery stores is “cut” with corn, safflower, and other shit oils that increase inflammation and have other bad health effects. Oh, also most store-bought olive oil is controlled by the Italian Mafia. […]

    July 23, 2020 at 7:26 am

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